Bandit - The Short-Sighted Cat Burglar

[Maxwell Grantly]

Sophie lived in the town of Myopia.

Everyone in Myopia was short-sighted. The mayor had glasses, the football team all wore glasses and even the stray dogs that roamed the streets needed glasses too! Again, I must stress, everyone in Myopia (without exception) wore some form of corrective eye-piece.

   

Thankfully, both Sophie’s parents, Mr. and Mrs Goggles, worked at the local spectacle factory and so there was a steady wage coming into the house.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Goggles sat down at the breakfast table and together they discussed their daughter’s future.

“It’s about time that Sophie had her eyes tested,” said Mr. Goggles to his wife.

“Indeed,” agreed Mrs. Goggles, “but we both know she’s going to fail. Her eyesight is no better than anyone else in Myopia.”

“And, when she fails,” continued Mr. Goggles, “She is going to be so terribly upset.”

“Perhaps we could lessen her disappointment by getting her a gift,” suggested Mrs. Goggles, picking up the morning paper. “Let’s buy her a pet as a surprise.”

Secretly, both Mr. and Mrs. Goggles had wanted a cat for the household and so they were pleased to use Sophie’s impending eye test as an excuse to visit the local cat rescue centre.

Mrs. Goggles strained to read the classified ads but her attention was drawn to the bold print of “Rescue Cats for Sale” at the top of one page. She pointed out the advertisement to her husband.

   

“This kitten looks rather cute, Darling,” she exclaimed to Mr. Goggles, “Don’t you think that it would be the perfect pet for Sophie?”

Mr. Goggles smiled and nodded. He strained his eyes to scan the advert. The kitten did indeed look perfect for their daughter. He was convinced that it would be the ideal pet for Sophie.

Unfortunately, both Mr. and Mrs. Goggles’ poor eyesight lead them each to the same fatal error: they both failed to read the smaller print beneath the photograph. If they had read the remainder of the text, they would have most certainly not taken such a liking for the feline picture. The article continued with a stern warning, “Caution: this cat has a prolific criminal record and is a serious kleptomaniac.” However (thankfully for the purposes of this story) later that day, Mr. and Mrs. Goggles paid a secret visit to the local cat rescue centre. There, unbeknown to Sophie, they purchased the delightful bandit kitten as a present for their daughter.

   

Sadly, later, they were both right: when Sophie had her eyes tested, she failed miserably. However, they quickly managed to cheer her up by presenting her with the rescue kitten. Sophie was thrilled with her new pet but, alas, no one in the Goggles household had any inclination that their new feline addition was actually a short-sighted prolific cat burglar.

   

[Maxwell Grantly]

“What a gorgeous kitten!” exclaimed Sophie, with delight, when she was presented with the cat. “I think he’s the most delightful cat ever!”

She bought her eyes nearer to the kitten and inspected him carefully.

“Hasn’t he got the loveliest black markings across his fur,” she piped out. “It makes him look like a kitty bandit!”

She smiled and pondered for a few seconds.

“I’m going to call him Bandit,” she exclaimed. “That will be the perfect name for him.”

If only Sophie knew of Bandit’s prolific criminal background! She’d then realise how truly appropriate his name was. What was only a fleeting comment, based on the black strip across the kitten’s eyes, hid a deeper truth and the sad thing was that none of the Goggles family ever realised this.

“We’re so lucky to get such a delightful kitten for our family,” cooed Mrs. Goggles.

“He really is such a handsome little fellow,” stated Mr. Goggles proudly.

“And I love him so much!” added Sophie, with a relish.

Bandit just ambled around the legs of the Goggles family, rubbing against each one with deep kitty affection and purring loudly.

   

He also knew that he had found the perfect family: they were loving and kind. Best of all, he knew that they all adored him. He just hoped, deep within his kitty heart, that no one would ever find out the truth about his deepest darkest deviant history.

Very carefully, Sophie picked Bandit up into her arms and whispered into his ear.

“I love you so very much,” she murmured. “We’ll always be the very best of friends.”

All that afternoon, Sophie and Bandit played in the garden. One moment she would toss a small ball across the lawn and Bandit would chase it excitedly. Another time, she would trail a long strand of grass across the patio and Bandit would pretend that he was a ferocious jungle hunter, ready to stalk and pounce on the quivering blade. Finally, Bandit would snooze in the fading summer sunlight, as Sophie stroked his fur and told him what a magnificent kitty he was. Bandit was sure that his life could get no better.

   

Mr. Goggles walked into the garden and tapped the face of his wrist watch impatiently.

“It’s Saturday,” he explained. “It’s time for tea and then it’s your homework!”

Bandit curled up by Sophie’s feet as she ate. He snuggled up very close to the warmth of her legs and he purred, dreaming of fishy delights and other feline fancies.

Then, as Sophie completed her schoolwork chores, Bandit perched himself upon her desk and strained his eyes to admire his new adoring mistress. He even managed, for just a few minutes, to rid any thoughts of kitten burglary from his head. In the short time since he arrived, he had very quickly learnt to love Sophie and the whole Goggle household.

   

“If only,” he thought to himself, “I can control my kleptomaniac tendencies. Then everything would be perfect in life!”

Despite being a small cat, his last thought was so true. Bandit’s major undoing was his thrill of crime and the wanton desire of things that were not his. Deep down inside, a suppressed yearning became more and more intense and Bandit’s thoughts began to drift towards thoughts of larceny and crime.

The silence was broken by a call from Mrs. Goggles.

“Time for bed, Sophie!” she cried out.

Sophie groaned and glanced up at the clock.

“But don’t fret,” continued Mrs. Goggles. “Tomorrow’s Sunday and so you can lay in, if you want. After all, everyone lays in on a Sunday.”

Sophie and Bandit trundled up the stairs together. There was no way, she told herself, that she would want to lay in now. With her new feline friend, the thought of a whole day of summer play with Bandit thrilled her mind and teased her childhood imagination.

“But it’s so hot and humid tonight, moaned Sophie. “I’ll never get to sleep.”

“Just leave the window ajar,” replied Mrs. Goggles. “You’ll soon drift off!”

Bandit’s ears shot up. He heard that last statement and suddenly his mind was full of thoughts of a temporary excursion though the window, to satisfy his lust for theft. The open window would allow him to sneak away and commit whatever devious robbery he wanted. Then he could return home to the Goggles and no one would be any the wiser.

As Sophie prepared for bed, Bandit’s mind began to race with thoughts of breaking and entering. He imagined all the goodies that he could hoard that evening, whilst the Goggles slept soundly in their beds.

Mrs. Goggles was right: within the hour Sophie was soundly asleep and, most importantly, so was everyone else in the city of Myopia. The moon shone down upon the town, giving a faint hue to the shadows in the street and the night’s air was filled with a sweet humid warmth, caused by the previous day of summer’s sunshine. Everyone in Myopia, it seemed, had left their windows ajar to take advantage of the freshness of the night.

   

[Maxwell Grantly]

Bandit slipped out, through Sophie’s window. As he glanced around, the multitude of open windows teased his criminal mind. He knew that it was going to be a busy night ahead. There were hundreds of windows ajar and hundreds of homes to explore. He was certain that he was going to reap a harvest of delights, with the night’s larceny.

Bandit’s first port of call was the local fish market. The odour of fresh fish tickled his nostrils and the lure of such a prize was too much for such a kleptomaniac kitten. He sauntered between the fish market and the Goggles’ home several times that night. Each time he carried a single fishy prize in his jaws. Very soon there was a small pile of fish, heaped at the foot of Sophie’s bed. Bandit looked on at his prize with admiration and then his thoughts turned to expanding his cache. He would return to the town and hunt out other treasures to add to his booty.

   

Bandit slipped out again, through Sophie’s window. This time he spied the bedroom window of Bobby Lawson, the local police officer. There was no fear of entrapment and Bandit snuck stealthily through the open window. Bobby Lawson was fast asleep, trapped within the deepest slumber.

Many of you know that police officers wear helmets, as part of their uniform. However, you may not be aware that current regulations also require helmets to be worn at all times, even during sleep. Bobby Lawson snored loudly, as he lay in his bed, with the helmet upon his head.

   

Sadly, for Bandit, it was at this point in the story that the dim night-time light and the cat’s short-sightedness came into play. As the moon’s light filtered in through the open window and shone upon Mr. Lawson, Bandit was convinced that there was a gigantic black fish, sitting upside down upon the head of the policeman. Within seconds, Bandit swiped the helmet from the head of the sleeping police officer and returned to Sophie’s bedroom. It was there that he added it to the pile of fish at the foot of Sophie’s bed.

Then Bandit slipped out again. This time he spied the bedroom window of Christian Godfellow, the local bishop. There was no fear of divine retribution and Bandit snuck stealthily through the open window. Christian Godfellow was fast asleep, trapped within the deepest slumber.

Many of you know that bishops wear mitres, as part of their outfit. However, you may not be aware that church regulations also require mitres to be worn at all times, even during sleep. Christian Godfellow snored loudly, as he lay in his bed, with the mitre upon his head.

   

Again, for Bandit, it was at this point in the story that the dim night-time light and the cat’s short-sightedness came into play. As the moon’s light filtered in through the open window and shone upon Rev. Godfellow, Bandit was convinced that there was a gigantic purple fish, sitting upside down upon the head of the bishop. Within seconds, Bandit swiped the headgear from the head of the sleeping bishop and returned to Sophie’s bedroom. It was there that he added it to the pile of fish at the foot of Sophie’s bed.

Bandit slipped out once again, through Sophie’s window. This time he spied the bedroom window of Dot Matrix, the local school teacher. There was no fear of detention and Bandit snuck stealthily through the open window. Dot Matrix was fast asleep, trapped within the deepest slumber.

Many of you know that teachers wear mortarboards, as part of their dress. However, you may not be aware that school regulations also require mortarboards to be worn at all times, even during sleep. Dot Matrix snored loudly, as she lay in her bed, with the cap upon her head.

   

Yet again, for Bandit, it was at this point in the story that the dim night-time light and the cat’s short-sightedness came into play. As the moon’s light filtered in through the open window and shone upon Mrs. Matrix, Bandit was convinced that there was a gigantic fishy plaice, sitting upside down upon the head of the teacher. Within seconds, Bandit swiped the cap from the head of the sleeping school mistress and returned to Sophie’s bedroom. It was there that he added it to the pile of fish at the foot of Sophie’s bed.

All through the night the cache grew and grew, as Bandit left Sophie’s bedroom and sneaked away to gain another prize. Each time, due to the poor night-time light and his own short-sightedness, Bandit returned with an item of head gear: something that he had mistakenly recognised as a gigantic and unusual fish. By the time that Sunday morning had arrived, there laid a huge pile of different hats, upon a foundation of fish, at the foot of Sophie’s bed. Bandit curled up into a ball of contented fur and purred with delight at his treasure. Then he finally fell into a deep slumber and the first rays of Sunday’s sunshine streamed into the room.

[Maxwell Grantly]

Sophie awoke.

Sophie yawned, stretched her arms and sat up in bed. The first thing that she noticed was the strong stench of fresh fish coming from the foot of her bed. She looked down to see a blurred mound at the base of her bed, with Bandit curled up alongside. She shuffled her glasses and peered intently.

It was then that the enormity of what had happened the previous night hit her: Bandit was a thief!

“Oh my Goodness!” she cried out. “Oh my Goodness!”

   

Sophie curled up into a small ball on the bed and pulled the sheets around her head. Then she wailed loudly and cried in despair. Her beloved pet was a kleptomaniac kitten!

“Oh you bad kitty!” she wailed. “I am so ashamed!”

Bandit awoke and the dreadful realisation that he had upset his mistress descended into his mind, like a hammer upon a nail head.

“Bandit, you’ve got to return these,” she cried. “Otherwise you’ll get into such deep trouble with Mother and Father. They will never let me keep you now.”

Sophie continued to pull the bed sheets around her and she sobbed into the reassuring warmth of the fabric.

Bandit felt absolutely awful. It was his dreadful criminal activity that had caused such unhappiness to the very person that he loved most.

He hung his head down to the ground in shame.

Sophie stepped out of her bed and marched up to the open window. She pointed a stern finger outside to the world outside.

“It’s Sunday morning,” she explained to Bandit, “You’ve got to be quick. Everyone lays in on a Sunday. If you return these items to their rightful owners now, there is a chance that no one will ever realise what has happened.”

Bandit ran to the fishy pile of headgear in a panic. He hadn’t much time but he felt sure, if he was fast enough, he could redeem the love that Sophie previously shown to him. He took the first fishy-smelling hat and dashed straight to the fish market.

   

It was then that his haste combined with his short-sightedness to produce an action, with the most unfortunate outcome. As he tried to correct his earlier misdeeds, he made things worse by returning all the hats to the fish market. Then, one by one, he added to his woes by dashing backwards and forwards to each household, carrying the fish in his mouth and depositing them onto the heads of the sleeping inhabitants of Myopia.

Luckily, Bandit thought, everyone was still making use of the Sunday morning by sleeping in. However, the fact that he should hurry (combined with his poor eye sight) resulted in Bandit replacing every hat in the houses with a fish and replacing every fish in the market with a hat.

Within an hour, Bandit had completed the return of all the items that he had stolen from the night before. Sophie sighed a great sigh of relief and she smiled at the exhausted kitten.

“Of course, I forgive you,” cooed the little girl, “I still love you and think that you are the most amazing cat in all of Myopia.”

   

She bent down and gave Bandit a huge hug. Bandit forgot the shame he once had and everything felt right at last. If only, he thought, he could control his thievery urges in future!

One by one, the townsfolk awoke from their slumber and got ready for their last day of the weekend. It was Sunday and everyone in Myopia enjoyed a walk through the park on that day. It was summer and no one was going to miss the chance of taking a stroll through the park on such a lovely day. Each person climbed from their beds, adjusted their headgear and then put on their Sunday best. Finally, each of the inhabitants of Myopia walked to their bedroom mirrors and proudly admired themselves.

   

Thankfully, for this story, we must remember that every person who lived in Myopia was short-sighted. The mayor had glasses, the football team all wore glasses and even the stray dogs that roamed the streets needed glasses too! Again, I must stress, everyone in Myopia (without exception) wore some form of corrective eye-piece.

Not a single person realised that there now stood an enormous fish upon their heads. Each person gave their fishy headpiece one last adjustment, just to be sure that they were at their very best, and then they stepped out into the street. Finally, each one walked to the park to enjoy the summer’s sunshine. At the gates of the park, Sophie and Bandit were playing upon the grass.

The first person to reach the park was Bobby Lawson.

   

“Good morning, Sophie,” called out Mr. Lawson as he walked by. “It’s such a lovely morning.”

“Good morning, Mr. Lawson,” replied Sophie. “Indeed it is.”

The next person to reach the park was Christian Godfellow.

   

“Good morning, Sophie,” called out Rev. Godfellow as he walked by. “It’s such a lovely morning.”

“Good morning, Rev. Godfellow,” replied Sophie. “Indeed it is.”

After many people had walked past, the last person to reach the park was Dot Matrix.

   

“Good morning, Sophie,” called out Mrs. Matrix as she walked by. “It’s such a lovely morning.”

“Good morning, Mrs. Matrix,” replied Sophie. “Indeed it is.”

Due to the poor sight of every person, not a single person realised that everyone (apart from Sophie) was wearing a fish upon their head. Not even Bandit, with his acute myopia, understood that he had made a dreadful error in returning his hoard to the wrong owner. Each person went on their way and enjoyed the morning’s sunshine, in complete ignorance of the fact that there was a gigantic fish upon their heads.

Sophie looked down at Bandit and whispered gently in his ear.

“I’ve finally worked out that you are a real bandit,” she whispered, “Perhaps you should steal peoples’ hearts instead, if ever you get the thievery impulse again!”

   

And, strangely, in that single sentence, Sophie managed to cure all Bandit’s woes in an instance. From that moment on, Bandit continued his kleptomaniac urges, simply by stealing peoples’ hearts and nothing else. In fact, he was very good at stealing peoples’ hearts and everyone in Myopia began to love the little kitten, nearly as much as Sophie.

Best of all, Bandit was content in his new thievery role and he never again felt the urge to steal anything else instead. What could be better!

And so, our tale drew to a close with a very happy ending indeed … except, within a few days, all those fishy hats began to rot. But that is another story.

THE END

[katsiaryne Resident]

awww, this story is so cute i love all the pictures. hope you write more!

[Maxwell Grantly]

Thank you very much for your feedback, katslaryne. That is very kind of you.

If you enjoyed this story, you may like to know that “Bandit – The Short-Sighted Cat Burglar” can be downloaded, totally free of charge, from Barnes & Noble, Blio, iBooks, Inktera, Kobo, Lulu and Smashwords.